It’s a scary four letter word that Viking and I are starting to get out of. Last year we had to move very unexpectedly which put us in a hole. Not a problem we could still see over it and we had a plan to get out.
The Tuesday after Labor Day Viking calls me to inform me his job has decided to shut down. He had one month left and then that was it. Terrifying right? It was. Viking was unemployed for one month and when you’re a one income family the word panic comes to mind. I held it together very well, especially for my past issues with depression and anxiety, however that dark and windy back story will have to wait for another day. We managed to survive but the damage had been done.
It’s been 6 months and every time I think it’s getting better it gets worse. I could cry.
Today I busted out my Bible while dictator was sleeping and the Jedi was getting ready for school. I read Luke 12:22-34 and then I heard it. It’s a five letter word that scares be just as much as Debt.
I’ve been struggling in this area as a Christian for a long time. I can trust God with my marriage, health, children , but with my money??? Surely you have to be kidding. I have to be in control of the money. I have to be. Oops I see the problem here… I’m not in control and I need to stop scrambling around thinking I am.
I broke down and cried. I know what Hes telling me. He’s basically screaming it at me. TRUST ME. PLEASE TRUST ME. I feel it. I feel Him tugging at my heart begging me to trust Him and let go of the controls. I have no idea how to fly this plane I need to stop thinking I can wing it and give it back to the one who can. I have to give it back to God.